The journey began a year ago. I signed up to take INTE 5340 and chose the focal theme of vulnerability. I did not know it would become a person theme or that my life was about to be broken open- wide open.
Brene Brown wrote, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” This time last year my entire being knew that the only way to continue living an authentic life was to step into my truth and recognize that I had been enabling my marriage, my husband, and myself in order to protect the image of us. The realization of this was the final crack in our glass house. It shattered while I was standing under it. Our home was no longer ours. Within 20 minutes, an army of friends and a civil standby my life was loaded into cars and unloaded into my parent’s basement.
Divorce is painful and personal. It can feel like a failure. It can feel like the most necessary thing in order to live a full life. It’s sad, naked, and unafraid. My divorce was final four days before Christmas.
Three months later I found myself studio sitting in NYC for a friend. A chance to see a new area, new views, walk new streets and perhaps start to find my feet again. I was there for three weeks and planned on a few long weekends, while I worked during the week. March 3, 2017, over the crackling of a WebEx meeting the words, “We are terminating your employment” was stated. It felt like I was spinning in slow motion as documents filled my inbox and words like “bottom-line” continued to be spoken. It wasn’t graceful, it was freefalling. In ten minutes the conversation was over and I was disconnected from the working world. A career I had been building for sixteen years- gone. I was face down in the arena and it wasn’t pretty.
I looked out the window, twenty-six stories high and overlooking the Freedom Tower and World Trade Center Memorial. There have been worst days and I was still alive. I got dressed up and decided I needed to get outside and walk or this could swallow me whole. So, I walked about 10 miles that day around the city and practiced with strangers who asked, “What do you do?” Those poor strangers or everyday saints didn’t expect to be invited into my vulnerability, but if I was to become resilient I had to step into my truth and be authentically me.
So take a listen to this song and feel determined to get back up. If you’re face down in the arena it’s okay to take the time to be quiet, to process, and to fall a few times as you find the courage to stand again. I had days where a bed, Netflix, and sleep were all I could attempt. Healing is a process, but it’s a beautiful opportunity to find your way again.